Is family dinner really that important? I mean, do they really matter? We have so many family responsibilities pulling us in different directions. Is it worth all that effort?
I would answer yes. Yes, it may seem like a small part of our day but it can have a big impact on our family. Read how they can strengthen your family.
Why Family Dinners Matter
I love gathering around the table with my family. The kitchen table is a sacred place in our home. With our busy activities (sports, scouts, choir, parent meetings, etc) it can sometimes be hard to connect with our family. After school I’m overseeing homework, picking up/dropping of kids, cooking dinner, and other tasks. But at dinner time we sit down together and talk. Regular conversations happen with our children during dinner. We tell stories, share ideas, laugh and joke. Essentially we bond. But there are other benefits as well.
- Promoting language skills – Children are able to expand their vocabulary which helps them become better readers
- Family dinners lowers rates of teen smoking, drinking, and drug abuse. We love decreasing high risk behaviors.
- Help kids deal with stress.
- Closer family relationships.
- Better performance in school.
- Everyone has a opportunity to share and be heard.
- Better mental health and lowered risk of suicide.
- Typically more fruits and vegetables are consumed.
It’s More Than Just Eating
Even if you are eating Taco Bell with your family you can make your family time matter. Ask your children open ended questions while you eat your double decker and nacho fries. Sure, it’s great to eat healthy foods as a family, But even more important is the chance to bring your family closer together. It might not be over dinner that you hear about your son’s friend who tried marijuana or that your child was exposed to pornography. When we take time to talk and listen to our children they are more likely to talk to us when they are experiencing hard times.
In order for our family dinners to be effective we need to make it a great time together. Don’t use them time to talk about behaviors that need to stop or how someone is doing poorly in school. Share stories and laugh together. Fighting and yelling isn’t going to help your family connect or want to be together at the table.
Take Time to Connect
It’s important to have the TV off and all screens put away during dinner. This goes for adults too. We want face to face interaction and talking about our day. Our family loves to share their favorite thing from that day. We take turns asking each other about their favorite things. This is great for two reasons: we get to hear from everyone in our family and we have to listen to everyone in our family. Everyone gets to be heard. Learning to listen is an essential life skill. Even our youngest, who often repeats stories from her brothers, can narrate dialogue from her stuffed dog’s perspective. Interesting enough her dog seems to have similar stories that my boys have told. My boys will sometimes roll their eyes but she’s trying to relate to them and her listening skills are exceptional. And her self confidence grows as everyone in the family is taking time to listen to her.
Other questions you can ask: What was the hardest thing today? Who did you serve? Or share how you failed. I love this idea where a dad encourages his kids to share their failures as teaching opportunities and proof that you are trying new things. His kids were able to learn failure is a part of learning. I make it a point to share when I messed up a recipe or something didn’t go as planned in a creation of mine. I know some of my children still think I know everything. It’s good for them to know even adults fail or make mistakes.
Ideally we would share our favorite thing, who we helped, and what we fail at that day. But with 4 kids we often don’t have time to cover all those answers. I love to let conversations lead naturally and try to avoid a rigid routine.
We also love this Table Top Conversation Starter with lots of random questions to spark conversation. Allow the conversation to naturally flourish as long as everyone can participate. And don’t be in a rush to leave the table. I love when we talk well after everyone has stopped eating. Sometimes I have a child ask to be excused and I remind them we are having family time, especially when one or two kids are still eating. They may want to run off and finish building legos but that can wait.
What if My Husband Doesn’t Get Home in Time?
I know this is a problem for lots of families. Sometimes dad doesn’t get home till much later. You can decide as a family what to do. Can the kids eat a larger snack to hold them over till dad gets home? Or is bedtime essential for your children. Possible you can make him a plate and eat without him. Having everyone there but one family member is better than not having family dinner at all. Or maybe your family can have a family breakfast if that works better. Try to get as many members of your family together as possible and make it meaningful. And maybe you can sit down with your husband later when he eats his dinner and have a light snack. This will help to strengthen your relationship if he can’t make dinner.
If you are a single parent the same principals would apply. Lead your family in discussions and set an example for your family dinner. No matter what your family dynamics you can grow closer together when you make time to connect.
If teen schedules make it hard consider different activities or adjusting your meal time. Sometimes these things are unavoidable. But remember 4 family dinners a week are better than three. Use whatever time you can to connect with your children. Make the most of your dinnertime with your family. Especially teenagers.
And if your kids are still young know that they will be observing and modeling your conversations to help them to communicate someday.
Help! I Need Help Making Dinner
One thing I love sharing on my blog is a monthly dinner menu. I know what a blessing family dinner time can be. To help parents I have a monthly post with ideas to help support dinner time. It can be so stressful at 4:00 to realize you have no idea what to make or if you have the ingredients to make it. I have a menu board to help me visually remember to pull out meat to thaw or to start a crock pot dinner early.
I also have a post with 20 cheap dinner ideas so you can save money and feed your family. Being intentional about dinner and our family time really makes a difference in our relationships. And if you can get your kids to help make dinner or clean up you are ahead of the curve.
I know it can be a struggle to gather as a family. Especially if your kids are use to watching TV or having their phones out while you eat. But all the benefits from consistent family dinners are worth fighting for. So even if your kids tell you your meal is disgusting or they try to leave early know that it’s going to be worth it. And eventually they will thank you.
I would love to hear your thoughts about family dinner or tips on how you make it work for your family. Share them in the comments below.
Some of these items are affiliate links. You are welcome to buy them from anywhere. But I don’t mind if you buy them from here. I make a small commission at not extra cost to you. I only share items I really like. Thank you for your support!
