Why I love Fight the new Drug…

Last time I was in California I was telling my sister in law about this awesome website called Fight the New Drug. We are both mothers and we both want desperately to teach our sons and daughters about the dangers of pornography. Fight the New Drug is a website that uses science and research to show how pornography is harmful to us, our relationships, and the world. Personally I remember hearing a voice of warning to stay away from pornography as it was compared to a disease, and that we should avoid it all costs.

But it’s everywhere.

And it’s not a matter of if my children will see pornography but when. I have three sons ages 10, 7, and 4. We have already been teaching our boys to stay away from “bad pictures”. Only my oldest has had the sex talk and understands a little bit more about what “bad pictures” are. Last I heard 9 was the average age children were exposed to pornography. It’s important that we start talking about sex and pornography when they are young. And we keep talking about it.

Last month in my community we had someone from Fight the New Drug talk to teenagers and their parents. Even though I have a couple of years before Gandalf is a teenager I wanted to go check it out. I feel passionately about learning as much as I can to help my sons and daughter know the risks of pornography. I wanted to share some of my notes today. I would also check out their website and see if you can arrange a meeting in your community or school.  The speaker did an amazing job relating to the teenagers. He was funny and a great speaker. I would love to share what I learned but I would highly recommend attending a meeting.

He started by asking us if we wanted more control in our lives. And how as individuals we love our freedom. He continued to teach, our brains are the powerhouse of our body. It’s crucial we protect our brain. We know that drugs harm our brains. I love how he explained a long time ago we didn’t know drugs or cigarettes were doing any harm. But then people started doing research and the results were there. Porn is the same way. And porn is available more than ever. Never in the history of our world has there been so much porn. Nor has it ever been this prevalent.

He spent some time trying to teach us about addictions (another thing we need to teach/talk about with our children). He gave the scientific explanation. There is a reward pathway. When activated it releases pleasure chemicals.  Our brains can become flooded with chemicals and can make for fewer receptors, meaning we don’t feel the same effect. And soon to feel the same way you need more porn or even more hardcore porn. Other things can stop bringing you joy. Prolong addiction can cause your brain to physically changed and shrink part of your brain. Especially in the frontal lobe an area associated with decision making. Our ability to choose is diminished. And porn, just like drugs, can become addicting. We read about similar problems with drugs when you want more or something harder. Porn can physically change our brain. You can read more about that here.

He says “We didn’t know any better. Science hadn’t caught up” with the times. Our generation has caught up with the truth. We need to share this truth: Pornography is like a drug. Science and research has shown the effects are the same. Not all addictions come from a substance. When porn is viewed it releases an abundance of chemicals, overflowing. Soon you will feel a dependency on it.

When it comes to the brain the process of  addiction is the same.

They showed a clip of a guy who was addicted to really bad drugs. He talked about his addiction to drugs and pornography. What he found was the patterns were similar.  Fight the New Drug asked him which addiction was harder to break. The answered surprised them. Without skipping a beat he said porn. The natural high from the images, you have to really fight it. It’s a memory based drug. Your brain and memory are a powerful thing. He couldn’t detox or change friends when it came to pornography. And you don’t have to go looking for it.

Porn is addictive. Science and research have spoken.

The speaker went on to tell us three ways pornography can effect us. The first area is how it effects us personally because it is like a drug. Our brains lose the ability to choose. We can become addicted.

But it doesn’t just effect us. It effects all our relationships. He then shared a really interesting story that shows the second way porn can effect us. Researchers were studying butterflies. They separated the males and females. They then researched what about the females was attractive or made for a good mate. They then painted cardboard to look like female butterflies but with enhancements. They made certain parts bigger, brighter. (I don’t really know what is appealing in butterflies personally but you get the idea). Then they put all the butterflies together. The male butterflies only attempted to seek out the fake cardboard butterflies, even though they clearly weren’t interested. Isn’t that crazy?

They were just a counterfeit. And it’s just like porn. The way they look or act is NOT real. It distorts the way people see sexual intimacy. People who become addicted to porn prefer porn to real relationships. As porn is being researched we are learning how, over time, people can prefer the counterfeit to what is real.  When you watch porn you don’t see the actors as people with thoughts and feelings. You see them as parts. Researchers have done experiments and had two groups. Those who watched porn and those who didn’t.  Those who watched porn saw reduced satisfaction in real relationships.

Then they showed another clip. This time it was a woman. She admitted she and her husband were exposed to porn and she didn’t feel bad about it. They were doing it together. And then she realized how sad it was when they would both rather watch the computer than be together.

Our spieaker talked about love. True love. And that nothing is better than love.

Porn kills love.

The third way porn can effect us is by effecting the world. With an increase amount of porn the nature of porn has changed. Porn has grown more violent and extreme. Researchers analyzed most viewed films. 88% contained physical aggression almost always towards woman. This view of what love is or what sex is, affects us.

They they shared a clip of a woman who was involved in the porn industry. You couldn’t see her face. She wanted to protect her identity. She shared that the porn industry is never pretty or good. She talked about victims and survivors. Some people involved have been tricked or drugged, sometimes multiple times or in multiple ways. Some people say “She chooses it” But she said may say that to stay alive. Some have succumbed to more addictions, insanity, or even death.

He said that was a real story from a real person. In all their research and from all those that have contacted them to share their story, it’s a real story. People are forced and threatened. Prostitution and sex trafficking are being supported by the porn industry.

Our views impact the world. If we don’t think it’s a problem it’s just going to get worse and worse. We can stand up for what is right. We can say, “This isn’t okay!”  We can better our world. We can choose to protect our freedom. We can take the fighter pledge. We can talk about these issues and educate others. You can follow them on Facebook here. I love reading new ways I can share or help others.

I am so thankful I was able to learn more about the dangers of pornography. You can check out their blog here. You can buy a shirt here to raise awareness about this issue.  And you can talk to your family and friends. If your children are quite young teach them to respect their bodies and to respect others. My boys know there are “bad pictures” that make people not feel good about themselves. I am striving to teach my sons to respect and find value in woman. And that we aren’t objects. As we are getting closer to having the sex talk with Draco he will understand what those bad pictures are. He will understand why we are so protective with the computers and smart phones in our home. There are people out there trying to trick our youth into viewing pornography. We need to teach them that porn is like a drug and to stay away from it. My husband also shared this resource from our faith to talk to your kids about pornography in a family night setting. I know we will be doing this soon.

And when our children do come across it, which they will,  what they should do?  We taught Gandalf the first thing he needs to do it get away, just like Joseph did with Potiphar’s wife.  Then he needs to tell us. Sometimes a child or teen can come across it and then think  that they are doomed. There is hope. And by sharing when they do see pornography we can talk about it together. A burden can be lifted and we can go forward. I have also read that it is good to share with your teens the last time you came across porn. I think that would be powerful for my husband to share when he saw something inappropriate and what he did about it.  I want to talk to Georgiana someday about reasons why some women think porn is okay and why those things aren’t true.  Conversations need to happen. And if there is a problem it’s important to seek help. Fight the New Drug has a “Get Help” page to help others overcome this addiction. I even know of some church programs that have support groups as well.

I want to fight for love! And I want my children to know that dangers of porn. I would ask you to share this post or this video so we can share this truth #pornkillslove

Our children deserve to know the dangers.